Take the Worldwide Flood Literally . . . A short short story

(Note: All place names have been translated from Adamic to Modern 21st Century English).

Noah stared at Japheth in horror. His voice shook a little, “What do you mean an Opossum escaped at our last stop?” Noah was angry. “YOU KNOW ALL THE MARSUPIALS ARE SUPPOSE TO GET DROPPED IN AUSTRAILIA!.” It was another blunder in a long series of blunders. Sailing around the earth dropping off the animals in their appropriate habitat had been hard, and he only dimly understood why it had to be done, but a marsupial in North America was going to get him in trouble.

Japheth had usually been reliable in getting the animals dispersed into their proper location, but lately he seemed to be slipping up. Ham and his family were currently packing pikas to the tops of the rocky mountains (blast those beasts that can’t cross lower elevations so that every population had to be placed on every separate mountainous region in North America. And rearing enough to get them to a good number of locations had been hard, but they are related to rabbits and reproduced fast enough for Noah). And Shem was stocking the individual species of pup fish into each of the individual springs in the Great Basin Desert, which meant that Noah was left on the Ark making sure that what was left of the 30 million species of animals and plants were being taken care off. The aquariums alone were nearly killing him. With the flood, of course, all salt water aquatic species had to be brought on the Ark because they could not survive the osmotic gradient the flood induced with its infusion of fresh water, nor could the fresh water species survive because it was too salty so all the species of fish and aquatic animals (corals had been particularly challenging) had to be taken aboard the ark. The salt water tanks were now empty (He looked longingly at the massive whale shark tank—he missed those gentle beasts), and having sailed around dumping those marine creatures back into the ocean, and back in their appropriate habitats he was feeling good. But they were still scrambling to disperse the fresh water fish. They were working on Western North America and at the moment carrying the barrels of high-altitude cutthroat trout high into the Rockies. This was being arranged by one of Ham’s sons in conjunction with Ham’s pika work (since both needed networks of high elevation to disperse).

But what to do with Japheth? He just didn’t seem to be catching the vision of the work. He was always complaining, “Why can’t we just open the door and let them all go?” Noah had tried to explain when it came to a head in the Galapagos islands.

“Look!” Said Noah to his complaining son. “See the beaks on these finches? Each species’ beak is used for something different—some eat insects and some seeds of varying sizes. We can’t just put them all on the same island because they’d compete for food, so each island in this chain has to have it’s own unique set of finches, but they have to be sets that are compatible. See?”

“Yeah, Yeah.” Said Japheth, “I know and they all have to look like they come from the species on the closest mainland. They have to be more closely related to the South American finches than the Asian finches.

“Right.” Noah smiled, “How else can the good Lord try is people in the last days (and who are really going to need trying) if we don’t get these species distributions right and things looking like they’re evolved in a geographic context?”

Japheth sighed, “I understand the reasons why things have to look like they evolved, it’s just . . . well I’m tired. You know, getting all the honey creepers sorted the same way in Hawaii about did me in. But the thousand species of fruit fly? Common Dad. That took years to get those into their respective habitats and frankly I’m burned out.”

Noah understood. His wife was even starting to tire. She seemed indefatigable in the beginning. But even little things were starting to wear her out, like sorting the monkeys with prehensile tails (which could be used to hold onto a branch), so that they could be dropped off in South America, from those without such tails to be dropped in Africa. It was starting to put her over the edge.

That night he called a family council.

“Ok. I know we are all tired. We’ve replanted every habitat from here to there.” He said waving his hands this way and that. (Why the good Lord made most plants such that they drowned so easily was a bone Noah planned to pick with the Lord in the next life—it would have been so much easier if he and his family had not had to replant every single habitat from the tundra to the rain forest, but then, the seeds had not taken that much room on the Ark). But we are almost done. We’ve got the lemurs, lizards and unique birds to drop off in Madagascar and the dodos and other endemics on the Mauritius Islands, but after that it’s smooth sailing and we’ll head to Mt. Ararat for a nice long rest. OK?”

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3 comments to Take the Worldwide Flood Literally . . . A short short story

  • Cap

    Most superbly written. Now it all makes sense to me how so many different animals are in so many different places, even after a massive world wide flood.

    Now I would like to hear the story of how they had gotten all of the animals on the arc.

  • Well done! I hope that short story is read by lots of people.

    Concerning Cap’s comment about getting all of the animals on a relatively small boat. Easy, piece of cake. The Lord created a miracle and shrunk all of the animals so they would fit on the boat. Of course, to keep the biological functions stable, the molecules and atoms would have to shrink appropriately, and that implies … Hmmm… not quite as simple as I thought.

  • Jeff G

    Ha! Allen makes God sound like Merlin from Sword in the Stone when he shrinks all his furniture to fit it in his bag.

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