When I was a young man I used to have a reoccurring dream. I was in a dark and dank cellar. I could not make out anything but the wet stone walls and a stairway into the light at the far end of the cellar. However, between me and the way out were dense thickets of spiderwebs. I was surrounded by this tangle and there was no way to get to the door. As a child nothing terrified me more than the sticky secretions of spiders. If one accidently touched me I was freaked out for days. Even the fake ones hung out on Halloween unnerved me.
In graduate school, studying entomology, I became familiar with spiders. I came to understand them and my fear for them began to disappear. One day while out with my sons exploring a small stream one of my children became terrified because he discovered a large Argiope spider web in the grass by the creak. I explained that he had nothing to fear and stuck my finger in the massive web and wound it up like a kite-string on a stick. I’d never done that before. It was not icky or disturbing. It felt like a slightly sticky version of the silk pajamas my grandmother would buy us every Christmas. It was fascinating and I felt a kind of release. My fear of spiders was gone. Completely. The dreams disappeared never to return. Whatever, lessons my subconscious was trying to communicate with those dreams, it had to switch to new fears (of which there are plenty to choose from believe me).
Such lessons have given me an unrelenting brazenness when it comes to sharing information. To know something is to examine it in detail. To face it in unrelenting honesty. But today, I was thinking about my speculation on Heavenly Demographics
Maybe I’ll get on to NothingWavering.org yet! (ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ha that was rich! I crack myself up sometimes.)
This reluctance to share something bothers me. It seems like I’m entering a slippery slope. Doesn’t the exploration of our faith require just a little edge and daring? Won’t I soon be watering down my message about the necessity that we accept Evolution? Will my claims that there is global warming become the safe claims of there may be global warming?
Where is the line? Faith vs. full disclosure? I feel bad posting and not posting. Let me know what you think–I’m dying here.